Today is my 27th wedding anniversary.
Twenty-seven years with the same woman. Three kids. A lot of laughter, some really hard seasons, and more grace than I deserve.
I’m not a marriage expert. I don’t have a counseling degree. I’m just a guy who’s still trying to figure it out, still failing sometimes, and still deeply grateful that Aunalie has stuck with me through it all.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far — the pragmatic stuff that actually matters more than the romantic fluff:
1. Marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100 on the days you can give it, and grace on the days you can’t.
Some days you’ll both be at 100%. Most days, one of you will be running on fumes. The secret isn’t keeping score. It’s being willing to give 100% even when your spouse can only give 30%. And when you’re the one at 30%, receive the grace without guilt.
I’ve had seasons where I was a terrible husband — distracted, short-tempered, selfish. Aunalie gave more than her share. Other seasons, she was struggling and I had to carry more. That’s marriage. Keep showing up.
2. Your wife doesn’t need a perfect husband. She needs a husband who is present and honest.
Presence beats perfection every time. Put the phone down. Look her in the eye when she talks. Ask how her day actually was — and listen to the answer.
Say you’re sorry when you’re wrong. Say it quickly. Say it specifically. “I’m sorry” is powerful, but “I’m sorry I raised my voice and dismissed your feelings when you were trying to tell me about your hard day” is even better.
3. Being a good dad is simpler than we make it.
Show up. Keep your word. Listen more than you lecture. Admit when you’re wrong in front of your kids — it teaches them humility and that it’s safe to fail.
Love their mom well in front of them. That might be the most important thing you can do as a father. Kids feel security when they see their parents choosing each other.
I have three sons: James, Kristopher, and Chance. Chance is no longer with us, but he existed, he mattered, and he is still part of our family story. My living boys have seen me at my best and my worst. I hope they remember a dad who wasn’t perfect, but who kept showing up and tried to love their mom well.
Spend time with them doing things they care about, even if you don’t. Those moments matter more than any “perfect” family devotional.
4. Sex matters, but it’s not the most important thing.
Physical intimacy is important, but in a long marriage it ebbs and flows. What matters more is emotional safety and affection outside the bedroom. Hold her hand. Kiss her when you walk in the door. Tell her she’s beautiful when she’s in sweatpants with no makeup.
A marriage that only has romance when it’s convenient won’t last. A marriage that has friendship and respect can weather a lot of dry seasons.
5. Forgive quickly. Keep short accounts.
Bitterness grows in the small, unaddressed things. Talk about the hard stuff before it festers. Say “I forgive you” out loud. Mean it.
After 27 years, I can tell you the biggest regrets aren’t the big fights — they’re the small moments where I chose pride over peace.
6. Pray for your wife and kids more than you complain about them.
This one is simple but brutally hard. When I’m frustrated with Aunalie or one of the boys, the most powerful thing I can do is stop and pray for them instead of rehearsing my grievances. It changes my heart faster than anything else.
Final thought
Marriage isn’t about finding the right person. It’s about becoming the right person — day after day, year after year — for the one you promised to love.
I’m still learning. I still fail. But I’m more grateful today than I was on April 17, 1999, because I’ve seen how faithful God has been even when I wasn’t.
To Aunalie: thank you for loving me when I was hard to love. Thank you for the grace, the laughter, the patience, and the way you still make me want to be a better man.
To my sons — James, Kristopher, and Chance: I hope you see a dad who isn’t perfect, but who keeps showing up and trying to love your mom well. Chance, you are still loved and remembered.
If you’re married, don’t wait for the big anniversary to say the important things. Say them today.
If you’re not married yet, remember this: the best gift you can give your future spouse is becoming the kind of person who knows how to love faithfully when it’s hard.
27 years in, and I’m still convinced it’s worth it.
Rooted & Reckoned 
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