Marriage is one of the most profound commitments we can make, a covenant rooted in love, sacrifice, and faith. After twenty-six years of marriage, I don’t claim expertise, but I have learned enough—through both joy and hardship—to recognize some of the falsehoods that undermine many marriages today. My hope is that what follows will be both practical and biblical, offering encouragement for those seeking a deeper, stronger union.
Falsehood 1: Marriage is a 50-50 Proposition
This idea is so untrue it is almost laughable. If marriage were only 50-50, each spouse would be holding something back, reserving half of themselves for…what? Pride? Independence? Selfishness?
Consider how Paul describes the husband’s calling:
Ephesians 5:25–28 — Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
That’s not 50-50. That’s 100-100. Marriage is about both spouses giving their all, holding nothing back, because two become one flesh. Anything less is shortchanging the covenant.
And men—paying the bills, mowing the lawn, and sitting in the recliner doesn’t cut it. If that’s all you want out of marriage, why not just hire a maid? Oh right—children. They don’t “just happen.” And when we fail to invest emotionally and spiritually in our families, we risk becoming what psychologists call “the ghost in the household”—physically present but emotionally absent. That absence wounds children deeply.
Falsehood 2: “Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child” Means God Approves of Beating Children
This misquote has done lasting harm. Proverbs does speak of the “rod,” but the Hebrew word shebet has a broader meaning. It was a shepherd’s tool—for correction, yes, but also for guidance and protection. David writes in Psalm 23:4, “Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Comfort, not cruelty.
The New Testament reinforces this. The Greek word paideia (discipline) means training, instruction, and character formation. Discipline is about growth, not retribution.
Hitting children usually teaches three lessons: anger justifies aggression, power decides what’s right, and rules are about avoiding pain—not about wisdom. Spanking may bring short-term compliance, but it damages trust, fuels aggression, and stunts self-control. Instead, Scripture points to another way:
Deuteronomy 6:6–7 — These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
This is the model: steady, loving instruction. Children learn far more from consistent guidance than from fear.
Falsehood 3: “I’m the Man, What I Say Goes”
This distortion comes from misreading Ephesians 5. Yes, Paul writes, “Wives, submit to your husbands” (v. 22). But in the very same passage, he commands believers to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (v. 21). And husbands are told to lay down their lives for their wives.
That’s not authoritarian rule—it’s sacrificial leadership. In my own marriage, I finally grasped this truth when I realized: if it matters to my wife, then it matters—because she matters. That’s not weakness; that’s Christlike love.
What I’ve realized is that most of the things that people end up fighting about–the color of the sheets (my wife will say “I want these but they’re pink…” and I’ll say “what do I care? I don’t pay attention when I’m unconscious.”) or what to watch on TV, etc., are minor and not worth getting upset about.
The big things? Sure, but I have found that we are typically on the same page, and when we’re not, we talk it through.
Why Marriages Fail
Even with divorce rates slowly declining, nearly half of marriages still end. Studies show 73% of divorced couples cite “lack of commitment” as the main reason, and nearly half point to communication breakdown. Those are not “irreconcilable differences”—those are choices, daily choices, to stop listening, to stop caring, to stop giving 100-100.
The truth is simple: marriages break down when we forget why we married in the first place. They grow strong when we recommit every day, when we decide again and again: if it matters to my spouse, it matters to me. And above all, when we remember the covenant we made before God.
Conclusion
Marriage is not about keeping score or holding power. It is about covenant, sacrifice, and love that reflects Christ’s love for the church. The myths of 50-50 compromise, harsh discipline, and domineering authority all distort God’s vision. The real picture is far richer: two people giving all of themselves to one another, raising children with wisdom and love, and walking together in faith.
My own marriage has not been perfect—no marriage is. But with each passing year, by God’s grace, it has grown stronger, rooted in love, listening, and the daily choice to honor the covenant we made. And that is a truth worth holding onto.
Rooted & Reckoned 