Tag: church

I’ve been away from writing for a while. Life has thrown several major changes at me since November, and I’ve needed time to recharge—new hobbies, long walks, home improvement projects, and just breathing. I’ve also spent a lot of time thinking.

In being this honest, I’ve likely torpedoed any future chance of being hired at a church or teaching at a Christian college. That’s okay. I’ve taken my Sundays back. I’m relaxing in God’s creation, spending real time with my wife and kids, watching NASCAR, or doing whatever I want. I’m even considering starting a simple home church someday, but I’m not rushing into anything.

I haven’t left the church forever. I’m just taking a long, intentional break.

What follows will probably make some people angry or cost me a few friendships. That’s fine. With how I’ve chosen to spend my time now, it’s their loss, not mine.

Here are some hard truths I’ve observed after years on staff (youth pastor, worship team, ordained elder, etc.):

1. Stop telling people “I’ll pray for you.” It’s performative, and most people know it. It’s usually a quick way to end a conversation without actually doing anything. I stopped saying it a long time ago. If someone is on my heart, I reach out with encouragement or let them know I’ve already prayed.
2. If you actually mean it, pray right then. I’ve only ever seen one person consistently do this without needing an audience—my friend Allen.
3. James was right. If you see someone in need and simply say “be well” or “I’ll pray for you” without lifting a finger, your faith is useless (James 2). When my Muslim neighbor’s son had a wheel fall off his car, I didn’t offer empty words. I confirmed what was needed, bought the parts, and spent a couple hours fixing it. That’s what love in action looks like.
4. The church has largely lost the art of real friendship. Too many “church friendships” are transactional. You’re friends as long as you’re useful—serving, attending, supporting the vision. Once you step back, the relationship often fades. In contrast, many of my secular friends have been far more consistent, honest, and loyal.
5. There’s no drama like church drama. The pettiness, cliques, and over-the-top reactions to minor things I’ve witnessed are honestly bizarre.
6. Leadership gossips. A LOT. Often more than the average person in the pews. I’ve heard leaders absolutely tear into people (especially those who left) behind their backs. It’s embarrassing.
7. I’ve worked in the corporate world my entire adult life, and I’ve never seen the level of sabotage and favoritism I’ve seen in the church. Insecure people trying to dim someone else’s light to make their own look brighter is rampant—and it’s deeply disappointing.
8. The church preaches “love” and “come as you are,” but only if you come as they expect. We loudly proclaim grace and unconditional love, yet the moment someone steps out of line—asking hard questions, challenging leadership, or struggling with same-sex attraction—the welcome mat gets yanked away. Jesus said “come as you are,” but the church too often adds “…but get your act together first.”
9. Too many pastors are obsessed with church size rather than effectiveness. “Nickels and noses” drives too much decision-making. The world was changed by twelve scared-then-emboldened people. One preacher (I think it was Charles Moody but can’t remember for sure) discipled twelve people a year, who then each discipled twelve more. Within five years the impact was massive. It’s not “build my church.” It should be “build the Kingdom.” Bragging about an “online campus” with three viewers while ignoring real discipleship is missing the point.
10. The church congratulates itself way too much. “We served 14 people dinner this year!” gets treated like a major victory. Who really cares? Did anyone grow spiritually, or are we just showing off? If it’s the latter, we’re spitting in Jesus’ face—our only reward is getting to brag about it.

This isn’t true of every single person, but it’s well over fifty percent in my experience. The American church has drifted far from what Christ intended. We’re more worried about entertainment, smoke machines, ear-tickling sermons, beautiful buildings, and national politics than we are about Kingdom work. Meanwhile, the church in places like China grows rapidly in secret house gatherings, much like the early disciples.

If this offends you, good. Maybe it will stir something in you to help be the change.

I plan to write more regularly again. Some posts will be lighter. Some will be heavier. All of them will be honest.