Look, I’m not a negative guy, but when theology gets twisted to justify nonsense, I can’t stay quiet. This series has been all about calling out those distortions—whether it’s complementarians misreading adelphoi to exclude women (Parts 1–6), Calvinists forcing proorizō into divine determinism, or American Churchianity slapping stars-and-stripes values onto scripture. Now, let’s tackle another sneaky misuse of Christian lingo: the weaponization of “being unoffendable.” You’ve heard it before—someone says something harsh or rude, and when you call them out, they flip it back on you:
“You chose to be offended.”
“Christians should be unoffendable.”
Sure, there’s a grain of truth there. We’ve got some control over how we react. But too often, these phrases get wielded like a spiritual dodge, excusing bad behavior while blaming the person who’s hurt. It’s like a reverse Uno card—suddenly, you’re the problem for feeling offended, not the person who acted like a jerk. This isn’t just annoying; it’s dangerous. It cloaks un-Christlike behavior in Christian jargon, driving people away from the church and, worse, from Jesus Himself. Let’s unpack this with some scripture, a bit of Greek, and a lot of real talk.
The Problem: Offense as a Spiritual Cop-Out
Picture this: a new believer walks into church, full of hope but still figuring things out. They mess up—maybe they ask a “dumb” question or wear the “wrong” clothes. Instead of grace, they get a verbal smackdown from someone playing spiritual enforcer. “You need to toughen up,” they’re told. “Don’t be so easily offended.” The new believer leaves, thinking, “If this is what church is, I’m out.” Not just out of that church—out of any church.
I’ve known mature Christians, folks who’ve walked with Jesus for years, who feel more welcome at their workplace than in a pew. Why? Because God hasn’t offended them. His people have. Scripture calls us to be different. James 1:19–20 says:
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (NIV)
The Greek orgē (anger) here isn’t just rage—it’s any heated reaction that drowns out listening (BDAG 2000, s.v. “ὀργή”). When we’re quick to snap or slow to hear, we’re not reflecting God’s righteousness (dikaiosynē). Ecclesiastes 7:9 backs this up:
“Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” (NIV)
The Hebrew ka‘as (provoked) points to irritation or vexation (BDB 1906, s.v. “כעס”). If we’re provoking others with harsh words or dismissive attitudes, we’re acting like fools, not disciples. Yet, some Christians use “don’t be offended” as a shield, dodging accountability for their own sharp tongues or callous actions.
This isn’t new. History shows how theology gets twisted to excuse bad behavior. The Confederate States of America misused Philemon, claiming Paul’s return of Onesimus to Philemon justified slavery. They ignored the letter’s call for Onesimus to be treated as a “brother” (adelphos, Philemon 16), not a slave, twisting scripture to fit cultural biases. Today’s “unoffendable” mantra can work the same way—cloaking rudeness or insensitivity in spiritual language to avoid correction.
The Damage: Driving People Away
When “being unoffendable” becomes a weapon, it flips the script on who’s at fault. Instead of addressing the hurtful behavior, the focus shifts to the offended person’s reaction. This is spiritual deflection at its worst. Ephesians 4:29 is clear:
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (NIV)
The Greek sapros (unwholesome) means rotten or corrupt speech—words that tear down rather than build up (oikodomē, edification; BDAG 2000, s.v. “σαπρός”). When someone’s harsh words or actions wound another, saying “you chose to be offended” dismisses the harm and ignores this command. It’s not just about hurt feelings; it’s about pushing people away from the gospel. Jesus Himself said in John 6:37:
“All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.” (NIV)
The Greek ekballō (drive away) implies casting out or rejecting (BDAG 2000, s.v. “ἐκβάλλω”). Jesus doesn’t reject anyone who comes to Him, but His people sometimes do. When we excuse harshness with “don’t be offended,” we risk driving away the very people Jesus welcomes. There’s a saying, often misattributed to Gandhi or the Dalai Lama: “I like your Christ, but not your Christians.” That should break our hearts. Jesus said the world would know His disciples by their love (agapē, John 13:35), not by their ability to dodge accountability.
I’ve seen this play out too many times. A friend of mine, a new Christian, shared a question about faith in a Bible study. Instead of encouragement, he got a lecture from a self-appointed “truth-teller” about how he should “know better.” He stopped going to church—not because he lost faith in Jesus, but because the environment felt toxic. This isn’t hypothetical; it’s real. And it’s not what the church is supposed to be.
The Biblical Call: Love, Not Deflection
Scripture doesn’t give a free pass to be a jerk just because you’re “speaking truth.” Yes, truth matters—Paul called out false teachers (Galatians 1:6–9), and Jesus flipped tables to confront greed (Matthew 21:12–13, katharizō, to cleanse). But truth without love is a “clanging cymbal” (1 Corinthians 13:1). The Bible sets a high bar for how we treat each other, especially those who are new or struggling in faith. Colossians 3:12–13 says:
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.” (NIV)
Compassion (splanchna oiktirmou) and kindness (chrēstotēs) aren’t optional; they’re the uniform of God’s people (BDAG 2000, s.v. “σπλάγχνα,” “χρηστότης”). When we lean on “unoffendable” to excuse harshness, we’re not wearing these traits. We’re deflecting correction instead of growing in Christlikeness.
This ties to the series’ broader point: misusing theology to justify bad behavior isn’t new. Just as complementarians misread sigatōsan to silence women (Parts 5–6) or Calvinists twist proorizō to force belief, “don’t be offended” can become a spiritualized excuse for failing to love. The Greek skandalon (stumbling block, Romans 14:13) warns against causing others to falter in faith. Harsh words or dismissive attitudes can be a skandalon, pushing people away from Jesus rather than drawing them closer.
Real Change, Not Excuses
Let’s be clear: everyone’s welcome in the church—jerks included. But the gospel doesn’t leave us as jerks. If we’re truly in Christ, we’re being transformed (2 Corinthians 3:18). That means owning our mistakes, not hiding behind “you’re too sensitive.” Galatians 6:1 calls us to restore others gently:
“Brothers and sisters [adelphoi], if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” (NIV)
The Greek katartizō (restore) means to mend or repair, like setting a broken bone (BDAG 2000, s.v. “καταρτίζω”). Gentleness, not harshness, is the Spirit’s way. When we deflect with “don’t be offended,” we’re dodging this call to restore others and ourselves.
This isn’t about being perfect. We all mess up. But when we hurt someone, the answer isn’t to blame their reaction—it’s to listen, repent, and grow. The church should be a place where people encounter Jesus’ love, not a gauntlet of judgment. As this series has shown, from adelphoi’s inclusivity to the voluntary faith of pisteuō (John 3:16), scripture calls us to a higher standard—one that reflects God’s heart, not our defensiveness.
What’s Next?
This is just Part 1. The next post will dive deeper into how “being unoffendable” can twist accountability into spiritual pride, and how scripture calls us to balance truth and love without excusing bad behavior. For now, let’s commit to being quick to listen, slow to speak, and even slower to anger (James 1:19–20). The church isn’t a debate club—it’s a family. And families don’t grow by deflecting; they grow by loving, even when it’s messy.
Bibliography
Bauer, Walter, Frederick W. Danker, William F. Arndt, and F. Wilbur Gingrich. 2000. A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature. 3rd ed. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
Brown, Francis, Samuel R. Driver, and Charles A. Briggs. 1906. A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament. Oxford: Clarendon Press.
Rooted & Reckoned 
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